I've been hiding Gossipers, hiding away from everyone for a while. Ever since my fiancee broke my heart into a million little gleeks. I mean how could he say I am too old for him? He knew that I personally fought in the revolutionary war and helped Cleopatra create mascara.
What brings me out of my cave this lovely day is gay pride. I mean if Royal Eduardo can be gay, why can't I? Republicans say that being gay is a choice, so I am choosing to be a lesbian like Ellen O'Donnell or that sullen girl from Twilight who had to choose between the fey vampire or the dog who humps boys. I'm just going to cut my hair short and develop a taste for carpet.
Those republicans are really onto something you know, I mean look at the Presidency of George W Bush, nothing went wrong there. The country is still as prosperous as it ever was, and everyone who wants to work is working. Since thats the case I am thinking that it must be easy to just change my preference and lifestyle.
First things first, I no longer have a crush on that dreamy John McCain. Instead I have a thing for that bitch Sarah Palin, I mean she is a lovely woman who certainly can see Russia from her house. Or better yet that skinny toothpick Ann Coulter, boy there were some colorful names for that one. I almost think a crush on her will get me killed so I'll stick with that other one.
Well to paraphrase that cotton candy girl who can shoot fireworks out of her boobs, I kissed a girl and I hated it. Man girls cannot kiss worth a patootie. I now know why my gay son likes guys, they know how to kiss and well have other parts that really get my horses going.
Happy Pride Everyone!!!
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