Mandy’s Musings: Let’s Go Shopping, My Deer

Mandy’s Musings: Let’s Go Shopping, My Deer
By Mandy Bates

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (or in Ohio) there lived a girl who went to yard sales with her mother. They found lots of trinkets to buy and had a nice time. Until they got to a certain house in the middle of the city. Remember, I said in the middle of the city. That part is very important. The girl and her mother split up at this particular yard sale, the mother on the porch by the owners, looking at the expensive (haha) stuff, the girl in the yard, looking at the knick knacks. The girl was turned away from the center of the yard, with her back to the six-foot fence that separated the lawns. All of a sudden, the girl heard a chain rattling.

“Great,” she thought, “these jerks decided to let their dog out while they’re having a yard sale. Don’t they know I hate dogs?” The girl turned around as the rattling got louder and was confronted face-to-face with a deer! The girl froze. The deer reared up on its back legs and pawed the air with its front legs, like a stallion in a wild west cartoon. The deer continued to rear. The girl tried to shrink into herself to be as little as possible. The girl could see the flies circling the deer’s eyes. They didn’t seem to think anything was out of the ordinary, but the girl was so terrified, shrinking into herself, trying not to pee her pants.

About this time, the girl’s mom looked up to see what that weird “eek” noise was (it was the girl), and saw the deer semi-attacking the girl. She did not run to her rescue. She stayed on the porch. Finally, the deer went back down on all fours, gave the girl a snort, and ran loudly between the houses and into the street out front, and proceeded to run down the middle of the road. The girl finally stood up straight and breathed a sigh of relief. She stepped over the divots the deer’s hooves made in the soft dirt and onto the porch. She asked the tenants, “Does that happen often?”

“Does what happen?”

“Deer running through your yard,” she said, bewildered.

“I didn’t see any deer.”

“You didn’t hear it? It made lots of noise! I- “ but then the girl walked over to the fence. She showed them the marks the deer made on the six-foot fence when it was jumping over it. She showed them the divots in the ground. She showed them the clothes the deer knocked off the clothes line as it ran past. They still didn’t believe her. They thought she was crazy.

Later, the girl’s mom said she saw the deer clearing the fence. She said it jumped so high she thought it was a kangaroo. In the middle of the city, of course.

And that is the story of the girl who cried “Deer.” And in case you couldn’t tell, I’m the girl.