"The baby was up all night again," Edgar complained. He had been doing a lot of that lately, and frankly his wife Trisha was tired of it. "Shouldn't he be sleeping through the night by now?"
"I don't know what you're complaining about, I am the one who had to get up with him," Trisha was not a happy camper. Sure Edgar had championed having a baby, but once the bundle of joy arrived, he became an even bigger pain in the ass than the child. "Plus I almost fell down the stairs because of your damn shoes!"
Edgar looked at her as if she had asked him tp become a stay at home dad. "I took my shoes off by the door, you watched me do it. Why would I put them at the top of the stairs?"
The baby once again started crying, a loud, piercing scream. "Well let me handle this," Trish sighed. Next time she had a bright idea, she would keep it to herself. No more kids, at least not with Edgar. She opened the door to the nursery and found her sweet baby boy sitting upright, screaming!! "Whats wrong baby? How can mama make it better?"
"How about getting this shitty diaper off of me bitch!!" Suddenly the diaper came undone and hurtled towards her. Stunned, she stood in the place, as the diaper folded around her face. She tried to scream but was silenced by poop smashing into her mouth. She could hear Edgar stomping up the stairs; for once she was happy to see her husband. "Welcome father, so nice to see you!" Glass shattered, when the baby let out a high pitched scream. The shards of glass flew at both parents fast and furious. "Hasn't watching horror movies taugh the two of you anything? You never name your child Damien!"
Edgar tried dodging the flying glass, but no such luck. "Damien, what’s wrong baby boy? Do you want to come to daddy?"
"No you fool, I want daddy to die!" Damiens eyes glowed red, as his stuffed animals came to life and began the ascent towards the parents. A playskool see and say hit Edgar on his head, causing blood to spill out. "A cow goes moo really? Neanderthals! Did it ever occur to the two of you that maybe you should give your only child something intellectually stimulating? No of course it didn't."
Trish finally got the diaper off of her face, and allowed the tears to wash the poop off. "All we ever did was tried to love you, the best way we knew how!" Damien broke a rail off of his crib, and threw it at the woman who had given him life. Edgar jumped in front of his wife, letting the wood pierce his heart.
“Bad baby!” Trish was trying to collect herself, and wondering what her own mother would do in the same situation. “If you don’t start behaving I am going to have to spank you.”
Damien squealed with delight. “Oh, how ordinarily unimaginative of you, Let me guess next you will be counting to three, no wait you are a tad more lenient than that, so you’ll give me to the count of five to stop this? Please woman no one is scared of you and your belt!” His mobile that they had purchased when Trish first found out she was pregnant, unfurled itself and lashed out, hitting her in the cheek.
Carefully she made her way to the crib and picked up her child. He may have been evil incarnate but he was still her baby. She would find a way to love him no matter what; maybe they should consider an exorcism. She would ask Edgar later, see what he thought. Damien cooed at her, eyes back to their original shade of blue. “Is that all you wanted, a little bit of attention?
She carried him over to Edgar who lay on the floor, bleeding but coherent. He smiled at his family and quipped "Can you imagine what he's going to be like when he hits the terrible twos?" Trish let out a soft laugh.
"I don't know what you're complaining about, I am the one who had to get up with him," Trisha was not a happy camper. Sure Edgar had championed having a baby, but once the bundle of joy arrived, he became an even bigger pain in the ass than the child. "Plus I almost fell down the stairs because of your damn shoes!"
Edgar looked at her as if she had asked him tp become a stay at home dad. "I took my shoes off by the door, you watched me do it. Why would I put them at the top of the stairs?"
The baby once again started crying, a loud, piercing scream. "Well let me handle this," Trish sighed. Next time she had a bright idea, she would keep it to herself. No more kids, at least not with Edgar. She opened the door to the nursery and found her sweet baby boy sitting upright, screaming!! "Whats wrong baby? How can mama make it better?"
"How about getting this shitty diaper off of me bitch!!" Suddenly the diaper came undone and hurtled towards her. Stunned, she stood in the place, as the diaper folded around her face. She tried to scream but was silenced by poop smashing into her mouth. She could hear Edgar stomping up the stairs; for once she was happy to see her husband. "Welcome father, so nice to see you!" Glass shattered, when the baby let out a high pitched scream. The shards of glass flew at both parents fast and furious. "Hasn't watching horror movies taugh the two of you anything? You never name your child Damien!"
Edgar tried dodging the flying glass, but no such luck. "Damien, what’s wrong baby boy? Do you want to come to daddy?"
"No you fool, I want daddy to die!" Damiens eyes glowed red, as his stuffed animals came to life and began the ascent towards the parents. A playskool see and say hit Edgar on his head, causing blood to spill out. "A cow goes moo really? Neanderthals! Did it ever occur to the two of you that maybe you should give your only child something intellectually stimulating? No of course it didn't."
Trish finally got the diaper off of her face, and allowed the tears to wash the poop off. "All we ever did was tried to love you, the best way we knew how!" Damien broke a rail off of his crib, and threw it at the woman who had given him life. Edgar jumped in front of his wife, letting the wood pierce his heart.
“Bad baby!” Trish was trying to collect herself, and wondering what her own mother would do in the same situation. “If you don’t start behaving I am going to have to spank you.”
Damien squealed with delight. “Oh, how ordinarily unimaginative of you, Let me guess next you will be counting to three, no wait you are a tad more lenient than that, so you’ll give me to the count of five to stop this? Please woman no one is scared of you and your belt!” His mobile that they had purchased when Trish first found out she was pregnant, unfurled itself and lashed out, hitting her in the cheek.
Carefully she made her way to the crib and picked up her child. He may have been evil incarnate but he was still her baby. She would find a way to love him no matter what; maybe they should consider an exorcism. She would ask Edgar later, see what he thought. Damien cooed at her, eyes back to their original shade of blue. “Is that all you wanted, a little bit of attention?
She carried him over to Edgar who lay on the floor, bleeding but coherent. He smiled at his family and quipped "Can you imagine what he's going to be like when he hits the terrible twos?" Trish let out a soft laugh.
