Warning This Post Is Not For Your Average Gossiper! It will contain Adult material and hopefully will provide some food for thought.
Yes I stole this new column name from Jackie Collins. The reason I did so is because, an article was brought to my attention, one that made my blood boil. The article in question was written by a well respected gay man in the Detroit area by the name of John Corvino. He has earned the respect that is given to him and this is not to disparage him at all. No, instead I want to give another side of the story, another view point for him and every to consider.
The basis of the article is that John does not think that anal sex should be defined as gay sex. OK I can give him that point, what I can't, nay won't give him is that everyone believes that, that is the only "gay sex." First and foremost, believe it or not a lot of straight men want to have that particular type of sex with their FEMALE sexual partners. So while anal sex is still largely associated with gay men it is not exclusively for us, and never has been.
Ok, so in his article John gives an example of a conversation that could have taken place during his youth. Basically a guy is interested in him, and becomes less so as the interested gentleman discovers John isn't into the same things sexually, he becomes disinterested. This makes sense, I wouldn't want to be with a man if we had different ideas as to what would be fun for the both of us. Its only fair to assume if I like Italian food, and my lover, boyfriend , hubby likes Mexican food that we come to some sort of compromise.
I have always been of the belief that sex is not the most important factor in a relationship but it does need to be a factor. It can't, no it shouldn't be decided just by one person in the relationship. Now this works both ways, and I certainly agree with John that pressure shouldn't be applied to someone who isn't interested in doing the deed the way the other wants to. Conversely I do believe there should be a conversation about it, especially if we are talking about two people who are either in or who are considering a monogamous relationship with one another.
If that conversation took place with me and a potential partner, he said he didn't like it, fine I can live with that. What I can not live with is him saying it and then revealing well I never tried it. WTF? Seriously? As kids we are taught to at least give something a try before we knock something. Here is my main complaint about what Dr. Corvino says he's never tried. In his exact words, a little background if you haven't read his piece. He is telling a story about a Christian rocker who used to live next door to him, who didn't like John being gay but also fascinated by it (as so many straight guys are) "One day I revealed to him that I had never had anal sex." Say what? How can you say you don't like something if you've never tried it? Maybe thats not the point of his piece but he certainly hammers that point home, time and again.
This post will probably blow (no pun intended) any chance I had of dating the esteemed John Corvino, and thats ok. Because as I , like to tell everyone there are two sides to every issue, and this one is no different.
Yes I stole this new column name from Jackie Collins. The reason I did so is because, an article was brought to my attention, one that made my blood boil. The article in question was written by a well respected gay man in the Detroit area by the name of John Corvino. He has earned the respect that is given to him and this is not to disparage him at all. No, instead I want to give another side of the story, another view point for him and every to consider.
The basis of the article is that John does not think that anal sex should be defined as gay sex. OK I can give him that point, what I can't, nay won't give him is that everyone believes that, that is the only "gay sex." First and foremost, believe it or not a lot of straight men want to have that particular type of sex with their FEMALE sexual partners. So while anal sex is still largely associated with gay men it is not exclusively for us, and never has been.
Ok, so in his article John gives an example of a conversation that could have taken place during his youth. Basically a guy is interested in him, and becomes less so as the interested gentleman discovers John isn't into the same things sexually, he becomes disinterested. This makes sense, I wouldn't want to be with a man if we had different ideas as to what would be fun for the both of us. Its only fair to assume if I like Italian food, and my lover, boyfriend , hubby likes Mexican food that we come to some sort of compromise.
I have always been of the belief that sex is not the most important factor in a relationship but it does need to be a factor. It can't, no it shouldn't be decided just by one person in the relationship. Now this works both ways, and I certainly agree with John that pressure shouldn't be applied to someone who isn't interested in doing the deed the way the other wants to. Conversely I do believe there should be a conversation about it, especially if we are talking about two people who are either in or who are considering a monogamous relationship with one another.
If that conversation took place with me and a potential partner, he said he didn't like it, fine I can live with that. What I can not live with is him saying it and then revealing well I never tried it. WTF? Seriously? As kids we are taught to at least give something a try before we knock something. Here is my main complaint about what Dr. Corvino says he's never tried. In his exact words, a little background if you haven't read his piece. He is telling a story about a Christian rocker who used to live next door to him, who didn't like John being gay but also fascinated by it (as so many straight guys are) "One day I revealed to him that I had never had anal sex." Say what? How can you say you don't like something if you've never tried it? Maybe thats not the point of his piece but he certainly hammers that point home, time and again.
This post will probably blow (no pun intended) any chance I had of dating the esteemed John Corvino, and thats ok. Because as I , like to tell everyone there are two sides to every issue, and this one is no different.
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