Sunday, August 8, 2010

Mandy’s Musings: I’m Tired of Being Fat!

Mandy’s Musings:  I’m Tired of Being Fat!
 By Mandy Bates

 
Gossipers, I have decided once again that I need to lose some weight.  I’ve tried a million times and I’ve failed a million times.  I read somewhere that for your body to be healthy your mind needs to be healthy.  Supposedly, everyone who is overweight has issues from their past that they are “feeding” when they eat.  You have to figure out what significant event in your life caused you to gain weight.  Anyone that knows me knows that that is.  But that’s a tad more personal than I want to get into on here.  But now that I know what my problem is, how do I fix it?  Apparently I can diet and exercise all I want, but until that mental issue is resolved, the weight won’t stay off.  But how am I supposed to fix my problem?  It’s been there for so long.  I probably need to talk to the person who did this to me, confront them and make them see what they did so that they can realize their actions affect others, not just themselves, so they can see how bad they hurt me and then I can figure out how to forgive them.  Sounds good, right?  Yeah.  Easier said than done. 
 
So while I try to work up the courage to do this, I’m going to work on some other stuff.  This is the second day in a row that I’ve done 45 minutes of aerobics.  Of course I’ll increase that gradually as I get more used to it.  Richard Simmons says to start out slow and don’t overdo it at first.  I love Richard Simmons.  He uses fat people in his videos, and he used to be fat himself so he knows what it’s like.  I also tried to make an appointment with my insurance-assigned doctor whom I’ve never seen before.  Sadly my regular doctor doesn’t take my new plan.  I’m very upset about that.  He knows me, and he even helped me get into the sonography program at COTC.  But I need someone else, apparently.  So I called her office, but my new doctor takes Fridays off, so I’ll have to call Monday after work.  I’m going to ask her to look at this lump on my stomach I’ve been trying to ignore for a year and also to give me something to help with my depression. 
 
I do think I’ve deduced that my depression is linked to my house.  It doesn’t matter if I’ve been gone for an hour or a day, the second I pull into the driveway I’m exhausted.  My back hurts, I can’t stand up straight, all I want to do is sleep, but when I lay down I have trouble sleeping.  I don’t know why it’s tied to my house.  Maybe because I’m stuck here and there’s nothing I can do about it until after graduation and finding a real job.  Maybe it’s because of bad memories associated with this house.  Whatever it is, I need to work through it.  Hopefully my doctor can refer me to a therapist that will be able to help. 
 
I’ve decided to include you guys on my well-being journey so you can help hold me accountable.  I asked Royal to yell at me if I don’t exercise, but he said he can’t be mean to me.  But if I “have to” report to you guys on a regular basis about my progress or regression, maybe I can make myself work a little harder.  I’m not sure yet how often I’ll post my progress; that’ll be up to you guys.  Let me know… once a week, every other week, once a month, etc.  I had my son take a (mostly) full body pic of me.  He’s not the greatest with the camera, so you don’t get to see my calves and bare feet, lol.  But I’m going to try to be in the same pose in the same outfit every time so we can see if I’ve made progress or not.  Okay, so here we go… here’s the picture of Day 2:


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